marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
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