I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Can you repeat that, but with context?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
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