The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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