I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
