You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
