I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
