Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
