i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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