Got a toothbrush?
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
