every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
