Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
