I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Sorry about my life...
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
