I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
