Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
