i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
try to milk me bitch
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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