Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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