He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
