what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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