I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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