Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
