Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
