First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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