he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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