Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Randomize
