After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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