I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
