but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
