how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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