saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
