wakey wakey hands off snakey
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
