I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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