My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
