i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
