Whod you bang
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
