I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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