i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
