We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
