all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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