then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I just googled if crying burns calories
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
