i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Everclear isn't food dammit
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
