Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
