Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
