he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
