In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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