it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
