$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
