Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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