I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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