i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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