You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
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