she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
