Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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