peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
How does one acquire holy water?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
