I can text with my tongue
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
