the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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