I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Walk of Shame today included voting.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Randomize
