Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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