i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
