Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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