Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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