i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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