You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
