The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
