Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
