I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I didn't notice because vodka
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
