Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
