Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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