Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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