zippers are such a cool invention
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
