i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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