My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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