a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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