can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
