I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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