Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
