He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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