Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize